Nasty ‘tattoo’ sure sign you need moderation
Maureen Scurfield
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home to my apartment very drunk at 10 a.m. with a fake tattoo done on my back in blue pen. I thought it might be funny, so I showed it to my two roommates when I got up. My buddy laughed nervously and then went silent.
He asked who drew it on me, but I had to admit I was so drunk at the time that I hadn’t the faintest clue. I seemed to have passed out while people worked on me. My friends were way too quiet, and here I thought they would actually be laughing about my predicament.
I asked them to find a mirror and help me see what was on my back. I can only say the drawing was completely disgusting, and so were the comments scribbled around it by the people who contributed to it.
One friend said I needed to stop drinking ASAP and stop hanging out with that crowd.
The truth is I don’t know if I can stop drinking now. I worked away from the city with them for the summer and into the fall. Everybody there drank a lot. When I got back to the city, I needed the liquor to function and to sleep (sometimes pass out). My summer work friends still drink a ton and welcome me into their parties. At first I ignored my old friends and roommates who drink very little because I needed the booze and not their judgment. But now I’m panicking and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose my real friends who are worried about me — and feeling disgusted. I can’t blame them. I’ve been drinking so much and I just can’t stop it.
— Scared and Embarrassed, Bridgwater
Dear Scared and Embarrassed: It’s time for you to call Alcoholics Anonymous, the organization that helps people of all ages in getting away from booze. There’s no registration fee or appointment required. All you need is the “desire to quit drinking” and you’re feeling that now.
Open AA meetings welcome anyone, including family, friends or curious observers. Closed AA meetings are only for the person who has a drinking problem and wants help. You can just sit and listen if you don’t want to talk. Everything shared stays in the room, and you only use your first name. For more detailed information, visit aamanitoba.org.
You could also call the Manitoba Shared Health’s Addictions Helpline at 1-855-662-6605.
Get the help you need to get back to being the real you — a guy the people around you respect and care about.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just fell out of love. I didn’t know that could happen to a reasonable adult in her late 20s, or I would not have gotten an apartment with my boyfriend so quickly.
In June when my boyfriend was new and interesting, I thought I had never felt so crazy about anyone before. I was giddy whenever we would get together, which was every day after work and all weekend at his cottage. We did everything together and then I started feeling like I knew him way too well. I could even complete his sentences.
It turns out he has no close friends, so I became his everything seven days a week all summer. He just ignored his family and whatever friends he had from before.
Finally, in desperation to get away from him, I said, “Don’t you have any friends of your own anymore?”
He said, “No. You’re my love and my everything. My parents are everything to each other, and they’ve been together forever.”
I don’t want to be anybody’s “everything.” It’s boring and too much responsibility. How do I pry this boyfriend off of me when I’m feeling so guilty now?
— Overwhelmed, Osborne Village
Dear Overwhelmed: Consider letting this boyfriend keep the apartment you have together and help by paying half the rent for a month or two.
Give him a chance to find a new roommate or even a new place for himself that’s smaller and more affordable. If you pay to help end things gently, you’ll feel less guilty about leaving.
Your ex might still be hurt and angry, but at least he won’t be feeling destitute.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.